Who am I?

I saw this on Stephanie's LiveJournal, so here goes.

I'm Kenny, a not-so-average 18-year old Singaporean stuck in decidedly average circumstances.

I'm a staunch believer of contemporary humanism rather than ancient dogma and myths of omnipotent beings.

I believe in making decisions to guide myself to the truth instead of letting the mindless majority dictate my choices.

I'm in love with the subtly beautiful things in life, and I record and interpret them using still and motion photography.

I've committed to be drug-free, alcohol-free and tobacco-free for nearly a year, and I intend to continue this pure way of life for as long as I live.

In other words, I'm pretty damn good at alienating myself from anyone else. Even though it often makes me lonelier than I want to be, I'm nevertheless proud of who I am.

Things to do after A Levels

Fishkeeping
Betta breeding with Thomas
Get a predatory fish for second 2ft tank
Clean up what used to be the betta comm tank

Computer
Buy a thumbdrive
Buy a portable hard drive
Backup important data
Format laptop
Partition with Vista and Ubuntu

Jobs
Get a boring day job to earn lots of money
Get as many part-time photography jobs as possible

Photography
Enter photography competitions
Build up photography portfolio
Produce more meaningful photos and films
Buy a TTL-capable external flash
Buy a third-party 70-200mm f/2.8 lens
Buy a good and sturdy tripod with a smooth head for video
Buy a Nikon AF-D 50mm f/1.8 for video

Academics
Attempt to learn formal logic
Continue to be inspired by science and philosophy

Miscellaneous
Recycle notes
Continue committing to SxE
Grow out hair, and get it coloured

Unnervingly, I barely know what to do as a person. Irritating.

De Profundis Clamavi

A series depicting the perceived horrors that humankind imposes.

Substitutes from Kenny Chua on Vimeo.

When beauty never seems to last.

A moth drawn to a flame. Misguided in elliptical orbit, on a road to self-destruction.

Noticing the helplessness of your ubiquitous self-consumption, I'd burn my wings to delay even if for just a second. Burn me, once and again; I burn not for others.

Am I not chained to such deadly vestiges?

I think I've come to some sort of conclusion to the problem. Albeit one that is arrived at by means unknown even to me. It seems to teeter uncomfortably close to the notion of hope which is, of course, tantamount to trying to fly with flapping arms. It affirms the irrational - and I wonder if I can truly accept it. Tentative acceptance not accepted, not anymore.

However, I don't think it should be heard in such inopportune times. Perhaps then, it will have to await a more glamourous revelation during a time when we're all drunk with mindless elation.

There's this part about me that's all about being flamboyant, being as beautiful as the combination of your forms allow you to be, and yet there's also this seemingly opposing side of me that's all for subtlety and sombre resplendence.

Living in a society such as ours subjects us to a pace of life so hasty, that much of the small niceties in life are blurred out in a rush of rapidity. A vague, but clearly cohesive picture of the real world painted by a work of fiction, understated beauty in an author's choice of words, even the form and proportions of the fonts and typefaces used, such details are often lost to the flood of events that flash past us.

That is just one of many such instances. Realise the amount of rich heritage, culture and information that is lost as a by-product of this life of fleeting moments that many unknowingly lead. As such, it is important, if you wish so much as to respect your intelligence and sentience, to take a step, in spirit at least, out of this system that we are choicelessly confined in.

Slow down, appreciate.

Allow yourself the liberty of taking a shower that's longer than the brief affairs they usually are. Dial up the temperature on the heater to the limits of your comfort, and let the water flow just enough to wash the grime from the toil and labour of the day off the face which you have been hiding so often from yourself and the ones you love.

Close your eyes, and listen to the flow of the warm water. Feel the pressure of the stream of water, carried by the force of gravity, pushing through the layers of your hair and pulsating like a warm, living force against your scalp. Feel it travel further down against the contours of your body, and allow it to so gently tease the boundaries of pain on the more sensitive parts of your body. Feel the individual drops of water, at the same time, feel them all at once.

Open your eyes, notice the steam building up around you, and breathe it in. Let the warmth dwell within you and become one with you.

You have been cleansed and purified, both your body and your soul.

Slow down, appreciate.